Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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