We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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