Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize