i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
