She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You've changed since you got that strap on
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
