he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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