I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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