Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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