I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
