That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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