Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
