Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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