Ambien. No doubt about it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
