he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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