I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i think i just lost a toe
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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