i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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