Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
