It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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