im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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