Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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