So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
