Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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