Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
