i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
