He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
