My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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