i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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