Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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