It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
