So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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