Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
