i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.