Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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