I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.