Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.