Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you