So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
