i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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