No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
