it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
