dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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