No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
