He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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