There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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