Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
