Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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