My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
