theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
