Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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