There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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