I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
