Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
