matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
