I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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