Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just pee around me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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