East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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