It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
