Banned from zoo.
Again?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
