There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
your like the ambassador to my penis.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
