I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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