What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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