Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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