Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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